January, birthdays and more.

Well, its a new year. Strange to think of it but at the same time it’s a familiar feeling. We went around the sun for a whole 365 days and here we are, going on another round I guess. When I told E this, he said, no the Earth doesn’t move. It stopped. He thinks its funny when I protest too much about how we can’t have the Earth stopped moving because it will just not be nice for us. This tiny kid and his never-ending life goal to say the opposite of what we will say :)

Tiny flowers. Also having a slight obsession with Baggu :)

It's almost the end of January. sometimes when I am outside I get sad when I look at people and realised we are all wearing masks and the reminder of how we are still in a pandemic. I still have not finished the book that I started in the beginning of January. I remember saying this book is good to gift to E when he is on the brink of teenage hood. I bought an Apple Pencil for myself. I have attempted a few drawings with it. It’s quite easy to get used to. Sleep has been a bit harder or it just feels like it. As E grows, he’s more aware or he develops feelings over things so maybe that’s why sleep has been a bit hard. But truthfully, I sometimes miss him needing me at night. He’s never the baby to want to cuddle to sleep. He’s never the baby to fall asleep with me close. Ever since we moved E to his own room(at 11 months) if he wakes up in the night, we’ll come in his room to support him back to sleep but sometimes that takes hours so we’ll end up sleeping next to him on the futon mattress. He has been good at sleeping through the night so occasionally when he wakes and doesn’t settle on his own, I’ll go to his room and he will say, sleep together and we will do so, while holding hands(this is what I miss from time to time, and sometimes wish for(this is after a long spell of good sleep)) . I still have not moisturised. I did buy a new body wash which I am excited about. I have yet to get a haircut. I think this is the longest my hair has been in a long time.

Oh yes the birthdays. E’s birthday was nice but definitely tiring for both him and us. Overstimulating. Partly because the year started with E skipping naps. We’re not sure if he is ready for that because he definitely runs on big deep emotions when he doesn’t nap, especially after a few days of no naps. I think we are going to do with a couple or three days of no nap then try to have him nap. Like today, he actually did nap(mostly because he woke up in the middle of the night and only fell back asleep hours later), we settled him in bed for quiet time and reminded him to listen to his body and rest if he needs to. and he did. I think he woke at night because of over tiredness. Some imbalance. he just need a reset after a few days. You can kind of see it build up, with his emotions. Like we know he is running on empty when he mostly cries at every single thing. So we are navigating that. Some no nap days here and there. And also always need a reset. Just like us.

We do have a big pending thing going on. We are moving! We have been talking about it for a while and we finally did go look at houses at the end of 2021 and we found a house that we think is cute and cosy? Just need to wait a bit before we can actually get started with renovations and all that. I think because of that we are also still thinking over the school locations for E. We definitely don’t want to interrupt our rhythm so much. Speaking of schools, we did try out independent forest school, like a trial(just for a day) and E actually went for it without much protest. We talked to him a lot about it and he was ok with being in school with just the teachers and other kids but alas the teachers said he’s not ready to do independent class yet. maybe we’ll try again in a few months to see how he’ll fare. I guess part of it is that he is familiar with the concept of forest school but he has never done things fully independently yet so it’s something he needs to be ready for.

So yes, we have a few things plan for this new year. School and new house. Can’t wait to go through it because now it’s all just waiting.

till next time, m

An update, I think.

Things haven’t been much different. I think I always talk about the same things with these updates. And also things hasn’t been much different too. Except for our toddler who is constantly changing and growing, our lives is mostly the same.

Last month I was busy with portraits which was nice. I felt productive and also tried to work every day during the day which is quite a nice change. We’ve been wanting to get E used to me working while he plays. And recently he did quite well in understanding that I will work for a bit(mostly for an hour) and he plays on his own. I am still available but we set up some boundaries and limits and main thing is to be confident with those limits and usually it works out. Some days it doesn’t and we just keep trying.

It’s October now. Three more months and it’s the new year. Recently when I was updating this website, I just realised that it’s been almost 7 years(in December) since I started SatsumaOrange. I can’t believe it . It feels like it’s been only a couple of years. But I guess the first two or three years was busy. We were always up to something, with markets and events. I’ll try to do something for this year in December. Maybe a giveaway?

Oh and I also managed to redraw some of my best selling cards on Etsy. I have been wanting to do so for a while now and its great to be able to check that off the list. I’ll try my best to add more card designs before the year end too.

On another note, Instagram has been rather hard to navigate or should I say even harder? I have never gotten around to feeling ok with using it from the start. And now with all these new updates to it, I feel like it’s even more but I keep telling myself, it’s just Instagram. I shouldn’t be stressing so much over it. Just like this blog. II haven’t been stressing about it and it’s been nice to on and off write something here.

till next time, m

Halfway into the year

It is July already. I am in a constant I can't believe it's so and so month and also "its only Wednesday?" 😅 

It's been quite a half a year. Being two is harder than being one or being a tiny baby I think. So many emotions, so many what is going on here, so many what is still going on here 😅 It has really been hard. I don't think I've become so upset at a toddler so much as I have now. It's strange. It's hard to control my feelings sometimes. It's hard to remember that it is mostly E who is having a hard time, not me. Me, I'm just mostly tired. Or in need of a break from talking or I just need to not have someone needing me for maybe ten minutes. Sometimes I surprised myself for being patient and understanding. Sometimes I surprised myself for being so upset. I do try to repair whenever I get upset at E. And I do hope he understands fully. But again I know he is just two, maybe he understands, and maybe he doesn't understand fully and again we'll keep trying. 

So besides navigating our emotions, we've also been trying to enjoy E and all that he is. His languages are getting better. He is making sentences that makes me smile or wonder where did he get it from and I would be like of course from us, where else did he get it from? As sad as it sound, we're mostly the only ones talking with him. But we read a lot so hopefully that is helping. Like today, he said something that made me go wow. He was moving around a lot when we were making breakfast and I asked him, are you okay? And he replied It's uncomfortable, showing towards his underwear ☺️. I was like what? You just decide that it was time to say the word uncomfortable? Haha it was cute. And i thought to myself maybe its time i record all these moments, write it down. It sounds really impossible though but maybe I'll try. I may need to carry a small notebook with me everywhere. 

Besides E, we're also trying to go out more just the two of us. It's nice to be able to do that occasionally. Nice to talk about us and just us, and walk around and hold hands and just be us. Sometimes we forget about that when we're being parents. We did celebrate our seventh year wedding anniversary, last month. Seven. It's strange but here we are. Where did all those years go to? 

July is also the month where it's hard to not think of all the sad things that comes with lost. Lost of a parent. It's been eleven years since we lost our father. The day that we lost him, is still fresh in my mind. I always wonder about oh what would Abah think of this and that. It would be so nice to have E know him. It would be nice for E to have another grandfather. It would be nice if our Abah is just around for all of these experiences. I don't think we'll ever stop grieving our loss. And we'll always keep wondering what will he think of this and that. 

A lot of emotional stuff to share 😊

Besides that, drawing related, I've been drawing more consistently, I've always wanted to draw every day, be it my own projects or for the shop. And I have been trying to draw even during the day, amidst all the emotions E throws at me while trying 🙃 so that's a positive. I want E to think that when I am drawing, I am working and I am not available to play but I am around to be around, sometimes he gets it, sometimes it's just hard. And then we end up both being frustrated. 

I was kind of reading about how to navigate emotions with a tiny person and I stumbled upon a term called highly sensitive child. I was kind of thinking that E is highly sensitive. But while reading more about it, I found out that I am a highly sensitive person. We're both highly sensitive! While knowing why it's been so hard is kind of nice but at the same time, also worried about how are we going to make it work? A lot of constant reminders, definitely. A lot of reading up. A lot of tears(on my part). A lot of patience too. I am trying and we are trying. 

Well this is it for an overall update of things. As usual, I'll try to write more. Draw more. Work more. And just try more.

Till next time, m