It has been a busy start of the week. As usual, I am busy with my part time job. It can get very tiring even though it's four hours from Monday to Friday. It can get very busy and I get physically tired and I can't focus or do anything really and just want to sleep but I rarely can fall asleep because I feel like I am not doing enough. Sometimes I tell myself that it's ok, you're working part time so you are allowed to take it slow. Do not stress. Well it's hard to heed your own advice sometimes. And it gets you into thinking about what you are actually doing. But I always try to tell myself that this is all ok. I get to do what I really like to be doing. It's pretty cool that I get to do all these things. Drawing opened up so many opportunities for me. And I am thankful for that.
Lately I keep thinking how I can move forward with being an illustrator. I feel like I am not doing enough. I know I am still trying to find my style. I also know that I am not drawing enough. Well at least that is what I feel.
You know what, it actually have been great. I am not working just to get to the weekend. Even if I did wish for the weekend, it's just so I can spend time with my husband. But yeah, I'm grateful that I am not wishing for the weekend. I am not wasting my days wishing it's the weekend. So this is ok. I just need to do what I always wanted to be doing this past year, to draw. Being an illustrator or being a small business owner is a thing but it's not important. I think it is secondary. What is important is to draw. Sometimes when times are hard, I always feel like I'm doing it all wrong. I shouldn't be thinking about how I am doing financially but it's also hard not to think of it that way. Even though I don't want to admit it, I do live off what I make from my online shop/art markets/custom portraits. Working part time kind of help with the stress a bit. I think that's how I tell myself to not be stressed out so much. But yeah, I do live off what I make from SatsumaOrange. Well it kind of feels good to say that. But again, I don't want this to be about that too. I don't want that to be the drawing force of SatsumaOrange. My main goal is to be able to become an illustrator. A title that I am hoping that I will be comfortable to call myself in the future. For now, I'm just a draw-er. I draw and make things and I love every moment of it.
Writing does sort out your thoughts. I forgot how I like to write. I used to write all the time. When I met my pen pal, I wrote to him all the time, to make sense of my thoughts, of the world and everything. I still kind of write to him now, more texting and talking since he is here.
"I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear."
Joan Didion, Why I Write
Oh by the way I've uploaded my first ever zine on here. Have a look-see if you like :)
This week also I have been busy with getting ready for the upcoming market with The Local People x Enabling Singapore at their Everyday Folk Market. It'll be for the 8th Annual World Austism Day. And I am glad to be able to part of it :)
Thanks for reading. Till next time, take it easy - SO