2020 was a such a different year for all of us. So many getting used to a lot of things. It was different and difficult and just different.
Remembering all the months and weeks and days is hard and it would be best to forget all the hard days we had but the pandemic started right when E was at the start of toddlerhood. So many moments to remember. So many milestones. So many really sweet moments.
The pandemic made us(still making) stay home but I feel that wasn't a big problem for us as we were already used to it since for 2019, we mostly stayed home too to take care of E. And having E in the intensive care unit, when he was just born, made me more or less an anxious mom. Always worried about E getting sick and sanitising everything so 2020 was just an extension of that.
It was hard mostly because we couldn't go out for our morning walks, classes were cancelled, just small things. Not to say that it didn't have any effect on us. We did miss going out, to watch movies, just an hour or two away from being parents but we somehow got into a nice routine. And we are still continuing it, and since now we're able to go out, I get to go out on the weekends if I feel like it. Weekdays, after O finishes with work, it's nice that he works from home, so he can take over and I get a break before we start the bedtime routine.
I am truly grateful for O to be working from home. It made such a difference in that I feel less alone. And I'll definitely miss that once he goes back to work in the office in the coming months. Being home with just the baby most days feel a bit isolated but as E is getting more and more verbal, it has gotten better but also the trying times of having a toddler is becoming more. Trying to keep calm while E is going through hard time is hard sometimes and when O is home, it helps in a way that I can just visit him in his "office" for a calm down time.
We are also trying for more independent playing so that I can try to squeeze in some work time during the day. It hasn't been working out so much as in that he still wants me to play with him, even when I've played with him all day, but I get it, I'm his only play mate available for most of the time. So we're trying to make that work. Getting to work(also known as drawing) would be really nice because now I only have time to draw after E sleeps and sometimes, I wish I could do other stuff too, so it's very limited time. But no matter, we'll keep trying. E at the very least now knows that when I say I want to draw, and I bring out my iPad, he knows I'm working. So that's a start.
About drawing, it's been really nice to get to draw more than usual(usual as in since baby was born) Getting to draw more portraits in the past few weeks have been great, although I am doing it at a much slower rate, maybe. But it's great that a lot of the customers are understanding about the turnaround time which I am very grateful for.
When I think back, 2020 is the year when our baby started walking, talking and just becoming more cute :) it's also when our baby became more of a person who wants to be independent but not really because he still needs help so he cries because he doesn't understand all these emotions. It's really strange all these emotions. And also very hard. I'm sure there's more of it coming up and all I need to do to get through it is to stay calm and help him through it but that's also the hard part. Haha
2020 is also the year when I start to think about work. It's hard for me to think of going back to a full time job and just leaving E and missing out on all the milestones. I'm always thinking about the pros and cons and it's just usually hard to imagine working and leaving E. Working means such limited time is left to spend time with E, I don't know how to accept that. How do people do it? I get that some people have don't get much of a choice. But I just can't accept missing out on E growing up and I'm missing out. Maybe we'll try and revisit these feelings soon.
Well now that's it's the new year, there's another milestone. E is two years old. I've been doing a lot of reminiscing about E being a baby, when he came home with us, all the uncertainties and anxieties(still some uncertainties and still anxious me) It has been a year. And every day I'm still amazed at the things E can do, all the things he's trying to do, and him just being him. It's amazing how he was just a tiny bean and now he's sprouting roots all over and just doing the best that he can.
I hope that when all these are just memories, I'll still remember how amazing things were and that's because E decided to be in our lives.
Till next time- m