It is July already. I am in a constant I can't believe it's so and so month and also "its only Wednesday?" 😅
It's been quite a half a year. Being two is harder than being one or being a tiny baby I think. So many emotions, so many what is going on here, so many what is still going on here 😅 It has really been hard. I don't think I've become so upset at a toddler so much as I have now. It's strange. It's hard to control my feelings sometimes. It's hard to remember that it is mostly E who is having a hard time, not me. Me, I'm just mostly tired. Or in need of a break from talking or I just need to not have someone needing me for maybe ten minutes. Sometimes I surprised myself for being patient and understanding. Sometimes I surprised myself for being so upset. I do try to repair whenever I get upset at E. And I do hope he understands fully. But again I know he is just two, maybe he understands, and maybe he doesn't understand fully and again we'll keep trying.
So besides navigating our emotions, we've also been trying to enjoy E and all that he is. His languages are getting better. He is making sentences that makes me smile or wonder where did he get it from and I would be like of course from us, where else did he get it from? As sad as it sound, we're mostly the only ones talking with him. But we read a lot so hopefully that is helping. Like today, he said something that made me go wow. He was moving around a lot when we were making breakfast and I asked him, are you okay? And he replied It's uncomfortable, showing towards his underwear ☺️. I was like what? You just decide that it was time to say the word uncomfortable? Haha it was cute. And i thought to myself maybe its time i record all these moments, write it down. It sounds really impossible though but maybe I'll try. I may need to carry a small notebook with me everywhere.
Besides E, we're also trying to go out more just the two of us. It's nice to be able to do that occasionally. Nice to talk about us and just us, and walk around and hold hands and just be us. Sometimes we forget about that when we're being parents. We did celebrate our seventh year wedding anniversary, last month. Seven. It's strange but here we are. Where did all those years go to?
July is also the month where it's hard to not think of all the sad things that comes with lost. Lost of a parent. It's been eleven years since we lost our father. The day that we lost him, is still fresh in my mind. I always wonder about oh what would Abah think of this and that. It would be so nice to have E know him. It would be nice for E to have another grandfather. It would be nice if our Abah is just around for all of these experiences. I don't think we'll ever stop grieving our loss. And we'll always keep wondering what will he think of this and that.
A lot of emotional stuff to share 😊
Besides that, drawing related, I've been drawing more consistently, I've always wanted to draw every day, be it my own projects or for the shop. And I have been trying to draw even during the day, amidst all the emotions E throws at me while trying 🙃 so that's a positive. I want E to think that when I am drawing, I am working and I am not available to play but I am around to be around, sometimes he gets it, sometimes it's just hard. And then we end up both being frustrated.
I was kind of reading about how to navigate emotions with a tiny person and I stumbled upon a term called highly sensitive child. I was kind of thinking that E is highly sensitive. But while reading more about it, I found out that I am a highly sensitive person. We're both highly sensitive! While knowing why it's been so hard is kind of nice but at the same time, also worried about how are we going to make it work? A lot of constant reminders, definitely. A lot of reading up. A lot of tears(on my part). A lot of patience too. I am trying and we are trying.
Well this is it for an overall update of things. As usual, I'll try to write more. Draw more. Work more. And just try more.
Till next time, m